on emotion

I feel so many emotions towards you
that I can’t say anything
because the moment I do
the words that have left my mouth
will seem insincere
compared to the oceans in my mind
the skies in my chest
and the forests of my soul

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to my long distance lover

there is comfort in knowing
no matter where you are
we look up to the sky
and see the same sun and moon
the stars are our messengers
I look at the ocean and find solace
knowing you’re somewhere on the other side
and my heart is reaching you across an eternity
the world feels just a little smaller

 

 

happy valentine’s day! I would like to dedicate this poem to my very best friends, Ushi and Len. I love you both so much ❤

alive

I’ve spent so many nights
wondering how
I could come to love a world
that we come into
only to die
but what can I say
aside from
how I love the seasons
and watching them change

on writing

to all the writers out there struggling to physically get words on a page,
you may think you have no talent
but you should remember
you have worlds existing inside of you
bursting to come out
and when they do
they’ll be like fireworks
keep learning
keep trying
and keep working
you will get better.

a letter to kim jonghyun

How does one reconcile a loss so great that it feels like oceans have been ripped open inside of you? How could you leave a whole life behind you? The pain came in waves, first was disbelief, then denial, and finally, anger. Yes, I was angry at you. How could you have been selfish enough to leave us all behind? You, who had introduced me to a world that would become one of the core foundations of the person I am today. When the rage faded, there was only a sad weariness, an emptiness. I felt like I had lost a part of myself in you.
You were a voice that carried a generation. You helped me understand emotions in myself that I couldn’t even begin to comprehend. You opened up worlds and channels and championed what you believed in. You were a kind soul and had enough empathy to stand out and stand up in a world that expected you to conform to its rigid structure. I would like to say you were too good for this world, but I know that isn’t true. You were truly perfect for this world. You made millions feel loved, accepted and cherished. It was your compassion and empathy that reached beyond barriers of language, culture, and age. You helped ease the pain and loneliness that comes with growing and learning about yourself and the world. You were a friend when we had none.
I can only hope that your loss won’t be in vain. I hope we can only try to fill the void you have left in treating those around us with the kindness you exemplified.
Thank you, sincerely. You did well. You gave us your all, until the very end. You were a prism. We gave you light and you brought us a rainbow. Thank you so much, for everything.
All I have to say now is that you left us in winter. It was a cold and bitter end to the year. However, spring is coming. Snow will melt away, buds will blossom, sunlight will shine on us. We will feel the gentle trickle of the first raindrops on our skin. We will feel a cool breeze on a warm day. Then that will fade, and we will have summer, then autumn, then winter again. But we will keep living. Even if this world is imperfect, and you are no longer here, we will remember that you were. You walked this ground, breathed this air, gazed at this sky. The world can be beautiful, and there was so much of it left for you, so for that, I will live on, and enjoy it for the both of us.
I hope the rest of your journey is safe, and happy, and filled with light
I wish you all the happiness and love this world has to offer.
Until I see you again.
x

seasons

 

I never knew of snow.
my skin was the colour of earth
and the sun’s warmth seemed
an ever-present embrace
the concept of cold frozen tears
falling from the sky
each one different
was always abstract
I had spent my life
living in an eternal summer
cool warm nights
and days basked in a glow
but then you came
and brought me autumn
and soon
everything started dying
and yet the colours
were all so beautiful
and warm and familiar
like home
but then it was cold
before I could realise
it was winter
and you were gone
you had left me wandering
in a snowstorm
chained in a world of death
a child of the sun in the cold
I lay in a grave at one point
I dug deep into the achingly cold blanket
until my fingers reached the earth
and I collapsed with exhaustion
for the longest time, I lay there
I felt death teasing at my lips
but somehow
I found the strength to get up
and when I did
I noticed that a single flower
had burst through the snow
and I knew I was on my way home