like oxygen

the scent of you
is etched so deeply in my lungs
that I suffocate on it.
even now,
after what feels like so long,
for it was once,
that you were as essential to me
as the oxygen I breathe




I rest a needle against my chest
willing myself to push it down
and pierce my heart
plunging me from one darkness to the unknown.

sixteen years alive,
sixteen years too long.
a body no longer my own,
sullied and tainted by words and thoughts

a person once, now gone
a shell remaining
living, but not by choice
dead in one sense, alive in another

waves beat gently on the shore
venturing in and out on the sand
similarly, I fade in and out of reality
confusing what is real and what’s not

how much longer do I have to go on

new age nostalgia

it’s often these days,
that I find myself longing
for a life I never could have lived,
a relationship never had,
a place I’ve never been to,
and it’s easy to wonder why
but then I remember
that I experience art
and have lived a hundred lives
in my books,
in my movies,
and in my music

wanderings in loneliness

these days are strange.
I find myself wandering in and out,
of the long winding river
that we call life
of course, I am alive
and breathing
but some days just feel,
like I am going through the motions
there is a difference between being alive
and living.
I rarely feel like I am doing the latter.
‘it will pass’ I tell myself
‘it must pass’

pieces from a garden of words

the weather is always the same
we live in an endless summer
seeds are planted in the earth
watered and nurtured
and grow into flowers
trying to treat them all
exactly the same
of course, that is impossible
but trying nonetheless
and yet some never grow
some never blossom
some wither away too early
I plant a garden
expecting a garden to grow
only to be left with four flowers spread far apart
those four I loved and tended to
for a lifetime